Why relationships can be hard

Relationships can be confusing and hard for anybody. If you are autistic they can be even harder. Relationships often rely on: 

These can be things that an autistic person may find difficult. They may not come easily or naturally and may need a lot more effort and thought to do. Because of this, relationships can be socially exhausting. People can also make mistakes and may find they themselves in situations that feel unsafe. 

However, autistic people can and do have loving and successful relationships. 

Things to know about relationships

  • Don’t rush into things. It is okay to say “no”. If you are not sure about something, then don’t do it.  
  • If a relationship is okay everyone will feel good and have fun. You will do things together, but also it is important that you have time to do the things that you enjoy by yourself. 
  • Talk to someone. Being with people can be confusing and it is good to have someone who knows you well and who you trust that you can talk to. They can help you to be less confused. 
  • When it feels okay to do so, talk to the other person in the relationship about the things you may find difficult. 

When things are not right

  • Abuse can come in a number of different ways: 
    • Physical – when you are touched in an unwanted or angry way 
    • Verbal / emotional – when a person says something or does something that makes you feel scared or bad about yourself. 
    • Sexual – any sexual contact that you do not want. This may include forcing you to have sex, or unwanted touching or kissing. 
    • Economic – when a person is controlling your money such as making you leave your job or telling you how to spend your money. 
  • If you are being abused you must tell someone. This could be a trusted friend, your GP, the police, a support worker, or a service such as Lighthouse Women’s Aid,  Respect Men’s Advice Line, or Galop (see below). With help you can get out of an abusive situation, and you can be free of it and safe.  
  • Mate crime is when someone says they are your friend, but they ask you to do things that make you feel uncomfortable, take your things, or call you names.  
    It can be hard to speak to someone about the abuse, especially if the abuser has said they will hurt you. But by telling someone you can get support and advice straight away. 
  • If you are in immediate danger and need emergency help: CALL 999 
     

Further information

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